Miami Herald's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
For 3,712 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 49% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 48% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 3.5 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 60
Highest review score: 100 Slumdog Millionaire
Lowest review score: 0 Another Gay Movie
Score distribution:
3712 movie reviews
  1. Death to Smoochy? Yes, please.
  2. After a while, hearing Martin say ''Zee area eez zecure!'' doesn't cut it any longer, and that's pretty much all The Pink Panther has to offer.
  3. Derivative and self-important, Third Person is a concept and not much more, precisely the sort of film that makes you wonder why anybody would bother to see it at all.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    At a preview showing Thursday night, Porky's II was greeted by laughter that ranged from hearty to thunderous. That's definitely OK. By all means, let the good times roll. Go for $120 million this time. Just keep that snake out of my comfort station. [25 June 1983, p.C1]
    • Miami Herald
  4. No, it's the movie itself -- an unimaginative, generic affair memorable only for its incessant and flagrant plugging of Apple computers and iPods -- that should put a stake through the franchise for good.
  5. The new Steven Seagal film is, of course, almost unbelievably stupid and vile, but there's something else going on as well this time. Something new. Something . . . tedious. [16 Apr 1991, p.C5]
    • Miami Herald
  6. Gives romance a bad name.
  7. Only genuinely talented people can make pictures this bad and misguided. “This whole thing is unacceptable,” Lil remarks at one point. That goes for the movie, too.
  8. Even the story-within-a-story structure doesn't pay off. This material needed more substance and ideas - and less flash and sumptuous production values.
  9. Don't waste your money.
  10. Played by Adrian Sparks in a style better suited for dinner theater or a Key West tourist attraction, Hemingway comes across as a complete cypher. Everyone in the film keeps talking about his genius, but other than a scene in which he writes a short story on the back of a napkin, the movie doesn’t try to humanize or explore his talent.
  11. If Annapolis is not the worst movie to date of this still-young year, it is certainly the most hackneyed, as well as the most depressing.
  12. A devastating disappointment. Badly acted, amateurishly directed and woefully unfunny.
  13. Like most Norris vehicles, The Delta Force is long on spurious action and short on production values. It's also silly, but it's more than that. Rambo asked, "Do we get to win this time?"; Norris' Delta Force gets to go back and win last time. [19 Feb 1986, p.D8]
    • Miami Herald
  14. A forced and wholly unnecessary sequel.
  15. The film suffers from a severe lack of urgency and emotional engagement. You can't get involved in a movie in which the characters all seem to be harboring double identities.
  16. With an exciting way out, the audience would have gladly overlooked all the loose ends from earlier in the movie. But the way Hall plays it, he undermines the early style and intelligence of his all-black action movie, taking audiences for the wrong kind of ride in the end.
  17. A Jerry Bruckheimer production, which gives the movie a disquieting sense of stupidity.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    (Theron) and Depp give lazy, almost irrelevant performances... resolutely unmoving.
    • Miami Herald
  18. A handsome, sincere, well-meaning bore.
  19. Witless and dull, Penelope Spheeris' feature-length hillbilly saga is the product of no less than four screenwriters. It's scary to think what it might have been like had it been written by only one or two of them -- I mean, what does a half-joke sound like? [15 Oct 1993, p.G5]
    • Miami Herald
  20. Flowers' ''style'' suffers from attention deficit disorder, leaving just enough vital information for you to follow the convoluted plot. But just when one story gets rolling, he's off and chasing another.
  21. Something about the sequel, Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties, doesn't seem nearly as obnoxious as the original.
  22. The dancing, while reasonably entertaining, isn't anything you haven't seen before on MTV or BET, although the soundtrack might be a worthwhile investment for hip-hop fans.
  23. For all its derring-do, Cutthroat Island is sluggish, flat, tiresome. Watching it is like being stuck on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride for an endless two hours. [22 Dec 1995, p.4G]
    • Miami Herald
  24. Such a dull, clunky, joyless mess, it's hard to believe the people who made it understand much about movies.
  25. Alan Metter (Back to School) directed this wildly uneven trifle. Most of the jokes are tasteless or stupid. [08 Mar 1988, p.B5]
    • Miami Herald
  26. The movie's attempts at zaniness are flat, almost embarrassing.
    • Miami Herald
  27. Viewing the new Martin Lawrence kiddie movie is more enjoyable than watching my dog eat a desiccated toad carcass he pried off the road, but only marginally so.
  28. Man bites dog in Turner & Hooch, the new Tom Hanks vehicle, and it's a tender moment. But there's precious little else going on in this tired little action comedy, which is so bereft of ideas that it winds up borrowing from Lady and the Tramp, among other familiar sources. [28 July 1989, p.G5]
    • Miami Herald
  29. A movie as annoying as its oddly punctuated title, After.Life is a misguided and empty-headed attempt at psychological horror that succeeds only at talking the viewer to death.
  30. A cliché-ridden, condescending and ham-handed film that clumsily fails to bring to life what should be an interesting story. You might say none of its punches even comes close to connecting.
  31. A stark regression from the intelligence of the Scream franchise, this teen horror sequel is about as satisfying as low-budget food that's been under the heat lamps too long.
  32. Raises a few questions -- like just what were they thinking?
    • 36 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Stoops well below substituting style for substance.
    • Miami Herald
  33. Most of this is tedious instead of unintentionally amusing.
  34. Downright awful.
  35. The cinematic equivalent of herpes, Sex Tape is an uncomfortable embarrassment to raunchy comedies everywhere. Fortunately, no medication is required after being exposed to it: The effects are not permanent, only painful.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    It's not the sort of movie you watch; it's the sort that assaults you.
    • Miami Herald
  36. As for comic rhythm, director Nadia Tass has no clue. [10 Aug 1991, p.E1]
    • Miami Herald
  37. Think for a moment about a film that depends for much of its appeal upon a romance between Michael J. Fox and Helen Slater. No, not as May-December or even July-August, but June-June, as in peers in love. It's Smurf-meets-girl -- not just a mismatch, but a confusion of species. [10 Apr 1987, p.D1]
    • Miami Herald
  38. Momoa, a familiar face from "Game of Thrones" to "Baywatch," has the muscles but not the imposing persona and barbaric presence that Conan requires.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    There are more fight scenes in this movie than the first two installments, but the plot is silly and the come-from-behind climax isn't believable. The movie's only asset is Griffith's hammy performance. [30 June 1989, p.H12]
    • Miami Herald
  39. Road House makes Cocktail look like a documentary. [19 May 1989, p.6]
    • Miami Herald
  40. In its early moments, the movie evokes everything from "The Social Network" to "Casino." By the end, the film has become as exciting as a game of Old Maid. R-rated thrillers are hardly ever this dull and listless, but this movie manages to eradicate all of Timberlake’s charisma and makes you flash back to Affleck’s "Paycheck"/"Gigli" era. How does this even happen?
  41. Sitting through Action Jackson was like being dragged through a swamp of sick humor and nauseating violence. I needed a shower afterward. [18 Feb 1988, p.C4]
    • Miami Herald
  42. This is ultimately a movie about highly intelligent people in pursuit of trivial nonsense: At least Mulder and Scully caught a real monster every once in a while.
  43. Whether his character is happy, sad, angry or scared, Spade affects precisely the same knowing smirk and sarcastic delivery. This one-note style makes him a funny stand-up comedian. But in a role, it's usually pure amateur hour.
  44. The movie is less painful than having your kidneys removed, but Turistas doesn't offer a trip entertaining enough to take.
  45. There are three or four big laughs scattered throughout The Pink Panther 2, along with a smattering of decent chuckles. But all those moments combined account for maybe five minutes of screen time, which leaves you with another hour and a half of movie to sit through.
  46. The best story here is the one about how Stolen Summer made it to the screen; that's more compelling than anything that happens in Pete's world.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    License to Drive takes too much license with its nuttiness, playing wacky moments to the point where the comedy sputters. [06 July 1988, p.D6]
    • Miami Herald
    • 36 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    If heavy gore is your kind of entertainment, you'll get a buzz out of The Fly II. But be warned -- don't take a squeamish date. [13 Feb 1989, p.C7]
    • Miami Herald
  47. A curiously inert and talky action picture about good-looking mutants on the run from bad (but equally good-looking) ones, Push wastes a decent idea and stylish direction on a script that's much more Ingmar Bergman than Stan Lee.
  48. A spectacularly mediocre movie.
  49. Universal Soldier, for all its sound and fury, isn't much fun. [15 July 1992, p.E5]
    • Miami Herald
  50. Hershey isn't bad in the role of the victim; she looks durable and acts like a survivor. And Furie does throw in a couple of nifty scares between the rapes, which are gratuitous and disturbing. The rest of the film is by-the-numbers B-movie thriller. [09 Feb 1983, p.D6]
    • Miami Herald
  51. Born American was made in Finland, a first feature by two Finnish directors. Their government reportedly stopped financing the project in mid-production and eventually disowned it. The guess here is that the reason for this was not so much fear of offending the Great Red Neighbor as it was simple embarrassment. [01 Sep 1986, p.D5]
    • Miami Herald
  52. Stealth is basically the kind of movie a 13-year-old boy given an infinite budget and creative freedom might cook up between Xbox games.
  53. The best stuff in Jumper comes early, while the movie is still busy explaining its scenario. It's only when all the pieces are in place and the story actually kicks in that things start to fall apart, and quickly.
  54. If only someone had recognized the inherent vileness of the premise, we might not have been subjected to this hideous Rumor at all.
  55. The best thing you can say about Scooby-Doo is that Matthew Lillard makes a really, really good Shaggy.
  56. An invasion of the body snatchers is preferable to realizing that the true horror perpetrated here is not on the characters but on the audience.
  57. An annoying, tedious little film.
  58. The most remarkable failure of the film is that the principals don't seem even to like each other very much, despite their habit of facing the future arm in arm. There's a lot of cute flesh up on the screen, signifying nothing. [28 June 1985, p.D1]
    • Miami Herald
  59. A horror/sci-fi/action mishmash that aims to be the kind of brainless timekiller once used to round out the bottom of a double bill at the drive-in.
  60. The movie's only value is in unwittingly defining more clearly how played out the whole transgressing-boundaries-as-art thing has become.
  61. An unsalvageable wreck.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    Take away Once Upon a Crime's star-studded cast and sunny Monte Carlo vistas and what you have left is a dachshund in a green plaid vest. An apt image: The movie is a real dog. [12 March 1992, p.F5]
    • Miami Herald
  62. Unfortunately, The Corsican Brothers isn't very funny. This does not exactly make us nostalgic for other, less purposeful C- and-C films, but it does serve as a sad reminder that their first, Up in Smoke, for all its excesses, was funnier than anything they have been able to manage since. [30 July 1984, p.C5]
    • Miami Herald
  63. The movie itself frustrates by guarding the secret of Walsch's newfound spirituality.
  64. Exhausts you with its derivative stupidity, leaving you weak and bored and weary of comedy that's not funny, action that's not exciting, dialogue that's not clever. It's not even an adequate rip-off of the TV show.
  65. For the first time in the film series, Harris wrote the screenplay himself, which means the movie is practically identical to the book. In other words, they both stink.
  66. A $100 million production of a 10-cent script, is so clunkily written, so bereft of any engaging ideas or emotions, you'd think De Palma would have sneered at it on first reading and passed
  67. The Back-up Plan is about as much fun as 36 hours of labor, only you don't get to go home with a baby at the end. Instead, you leave with a throbbing headache and a lot of questions about why anybody still thinks Jennifer Lopez can anchor a movie.
  68. With its unfathomably stupid plot, half-hearted laughs and slow-witted action, can only be considered a waste of time. Especially yours.
  69. This is a problem for a story located deep underwater, because without an immediate, photogenic threat, the movie literally has nowhere to go. The hard-working cast, led by Greg Evigan, Miguel Ferrer and the psychedelically named Taurean Blacque, lurches from bulkhead to air lock on cue, but accomplishes little beyond contributing to a growing sense of claustrophobia. [16 Jan 1989, p.7]
    • Miami Herald
  70. It takes a concerted effort to make a movie as relentlessly stupid and grating as 15 Minutes.
    • Miami Herald
    • 34 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    Besides the clever name and some striking images from director Dwight H. Little, the only other entertaining bits in Halloween 4 come from Donald Pleasence. [29 Oct 1988, p.C4]
    • Miami Herald
    • 34 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    With their flair for wretched excess, Damiani and screenwriter Tommy Lee Wallace make it hard to bear Amityville II in good humor. [28 Sep 1982, p.D6]
    • Miami Herald
  71. I can honestly think of no reason why anyone would want to see Testosterone apart from the rumor that the film contains a full-frontal shot of Antonio Sabato Jr. naked.
  72. It has virtually nothing in common with the charming book written by the Gilbreths about their turn-of-the-century family and everything to do with making money on DVD rentals.
  73. Mann deserves credit for trying new stuff, of course; The Keep is nothing if not ambitious. But it isn't anything more, either. [20 Dec 1983, p.D5]
    • Miami Herald
  74. You don't go into a movie called Ninja Assassin expecting a hell of a lot, but this shockingly disjointed and relentlessly dull picture can't even deliver the martial-arts kick its title so plainly promises.
  75. An overly convoluted, tiresome mystery that exists primarily to antagonize the audience, Basic consists almost entirely of dense exposition, then concludes by laughing at anyone who tried to pay attention.
  76. Just plain bad. Really, really bad.
  77. Part of the problem is that Garner, so irresistible on television and in last year's "13 Going on 30," just can't pull off the cold-hearted killer routine.
  78. Loaded with so much drama that the story sinks into a grim, sloppy soap-opera mix.
  79. Full of It's message is directed straight at 9-year-olds -- lying is bad! -- and yet there's plenty of sexual content. Unfortunately there isn't much else.
  80. At its heart, however, Soul Man is a one-gag story propelled by sitcom material; there are times you'd swear you were watching Lucy. And because the filmmakers really aren't up to their premise, the movie ends on a note of forced harmony that's enough to make the blood run cold. It's a reminder that even good white liberals still aren't sure how to act around black people. Which, come to think of it, would make a fine, socially "relevant" comedy. Perhaps Hollywood will make it someday. [27 Oct 1986, p.C4]
    • Miami Herald
  81. Chasing Papi leaves you wishing Hollywood would just forget about Latinos altogether. If this is how they really see us, I'd rather not know.
  82. But the blame for the stultifying Mooseport lies squarely on the shoulders of the screenwriters and anyone else who assumed the limited Romano could carry such a dated, lousy film. The results are in: He can't do it, at least not without a lot more help.
  83. The unfortunate aspect of Class, which is glossier than Private Lessons and marginally more believable than My Tutor, is that its laughs are built around the suffering of a prime candidate for intensive therapy. Thus while the kids are watching one movie -- boy loses virginity, ya-hoo -- adults in the audience will be watching another -- wife and mother has an emotional breakdown at the hands, literally, of a 14-year-old. The latter, of course, is not funny. [25 July 1983, p.C6]
    • Miami Herald
  84. Not making any sense is not the same as unbelievably dumb, which The Final Chapter pretty much is. [18 Apr 1984, p.6]
    • Miami Herald
  85. On Deadly Ground has all the thrills and suspense of a rerun of Barney and Friends. [22 Feb 1994, p.D5]
    • Miami Herald
  86. The Last Song, yet another maudlin remake of a Nicholas Sparks bestseller.
  87. The kind of schlocky, disposable time-killer that once might have starred Jean-Claude Van Damme, The Impostor is a relentlessly dull chase flick with an inexplicably high-toned cast.
  88. Dismal.
  89. Such a bad movie that its luckiest viewers will be seated next to one of those ignorant pinheads who talk throughout the show.
  90. It's just awful. Pointless, lazy, derivative and paralyzingly dull.

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